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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has long been the comfort zone of your Daily, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to learn that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity with Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college for toilet purposes during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking through the school acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

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Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|